Enjoying your babies

I am a very lucky person, an extremely lucky one. I have a wonderful husband and two lovely babies. One of them is actually a toddler, enjoying the frenzy of the ‘terrible twos’. They are both teething. But it’s ok. We have a puppy. The puppy got sick a few days after we adopted him and has been on the verge of dying ever since, three weeks ago, but we are, technically, a perfect, happy family.

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Only I’m stressed out of my mind almost all the time. Every single day. Every day of the week. Specially on weekends when my firstborn wonder is home all day. Specially next weekend, without their Kindermusik class. The fact that I have been constantly tired for the past three years might have something to do with it, but it’s just a wild guess. The truth is both that my kids are lovable, creative, happy babies who melt my heart and also that, sometimes, they have me at my wit’s end. I am proud of them at the same time as a cringe in anticipation of what they will destroy next. I research Montessori methods, but think they are probably going to be useless, make them number books to paint on and which get mostly eaten, healthy food that ends up scraped off the floor (and sometimes that’s when they find it appetizing), crafts that get ignored…

I think I love them the most when they sleep. Deeply.

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Anyway, my point is that everybody tells you that you should make the most out of the time you have with them as babies, because they will never need you as much again, nor love you as completely nor be as cute. They will never be babies again. Thank you, yes, I realize. I just don’t seem to find the moment to be a purely loving mommy who is enjoying the bliss of motherhood with her two vortexes of chaos and destruction. I told myself that they problem is not the problem, it’s my attitude towards the problem that is the problem. This approach has lasted a full 24 hours, as I have promised to de-stress myself and enjoy this lovely time. Then there was finger paint all over the freezer, carpet and heater. But I was determined. Then there was the shower time drama. But I gave him a hug and told him it’s ok to be annoyed, to come give me a hug and he cried and after an hour he got over having to get out of the shower because either you stop watering the whole bathroom or we have to finish the shower right now, honey. But then he wanted to go to bed, except once in bed he didn’t want to go to sleep any more and I can’t take watching the Wiggles any more.

But I will enjoy this, because they are only going to be babies once. I’m not sure how, but I’m going to.

2 Comments

  1. Dear Nadia… It’s hard. I know. It’s really, really, really hard. I was a single mom of two babies who were 18 months apart. My youngest had severe problems so I know what “hard” means. I know what “no sleep for three years” means. My heart is reaching out to you. I just want to give you a big hug and say “it will get easier.”. Please believe me, When your youngest becomes a toddler you will be able to take one or two breaths as they play together. And sometimes they will sleep at the same time and you will wonder what happened. You will leave the mess and sit quietly with a cup of something, and you might not feel like crying. One thing about parenting… it changes all the time! Hug to you from Canada. – H.

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